She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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