so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
