It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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