so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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