just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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