How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You took a bar mat shot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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