Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
