I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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