I need to stop coming to work sober
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize