I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
