some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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