Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
