um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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