i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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