Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
