It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
