ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
