the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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