I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
