And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
