I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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