i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
