If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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