I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
