I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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