dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
