Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
