Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
