i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
