Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
