I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
