the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
