OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
