so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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