Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
