just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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