why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
