I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
BRING THE BAGELS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
