Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
