She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
