I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
