at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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