ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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