Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
