I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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