i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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