Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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