Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
