i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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