Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
