look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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