question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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