Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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