she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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