Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
God, I missed his penis.
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