that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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