my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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