You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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