feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
