i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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