My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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