Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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