oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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