Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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