Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
