so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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