Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
