i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
