My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
