I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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