you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
