I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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