my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
