she woke up with a sticky ear
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so let's talk penis.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
