So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
