Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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