To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
