I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
