I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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