I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
