I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
