my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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