Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
