He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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