i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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