even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
