The maid of honor just puked.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
