i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
