If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
