just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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