the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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