trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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